Mileless Blog

A Washington, DC, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our country is in trouble! No explanations Necessary.

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair
wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)
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2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. I
started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, 'I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts. '

Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, 'Cape Cod is in
Massachusetts, Cape Town is in Africa.'

Her response - click.
_____


3 A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did.
I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.

I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the
state.

He replied, 'Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin
state!' (OMG)
_____


4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, 'Is it possible to see
England from Canada ?

' I said, 'No.'

She said, 'But they look so close on the map.' (OMG, again!)
_____



5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car
in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour
layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car he said, 'I
heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.' (Aghhhh)
_____



6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was
possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones.

Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

_____

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'

I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
She replied, 'Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on
my luggage that said 'FAT', and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!'

After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it (I was laughing)
I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is 'FAT' (Fresno Air
Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.
_____



8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After
going over all the cost info, she asked, 'Would it be cheaper to fly to
California, and then take the train to Hawaii ?'
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9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, 'How do I
know which plane to get on?'

I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, 'I was told my flight
number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.'
_____



10. A lady Senator called and said, 'I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane.

She said, 'Yeah, whatever, smarty!'

_____

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed
in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I
reminded him that he needed a visa.

'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those ..'

I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa.

When I told him this he said, 'Look, I've been to China four times and every
time they have accepted my American Express!'

_____


12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, 'I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .'

I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, 'Are you sure that's the name of the town?'

'Yes, what flights do you have?' replied the lady.

After some searching, I came back with, 'I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up
every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.'

The lady retorted, 'Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!'

So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, 'You don't
mean Buffalo, do you?'

The reply? 'Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.'

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt or a leaky tire.

3. Its always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed...... skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield.

13. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

14. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

17. There are two theories to arguing with a woman - Neither one works.

18. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

19. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative.

Number Ten:
Decorating the house (with plywood).

Number Nine:
Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season.

Number Eight:
Last minute shopping in crowded stores.

Number Seven:
Regular TV shows pre-empted for 'Specials'.

Number Six:
Family coming to stay with you.

Number Five:
Family and friends from out of state calling you.

Number Four:
Buying food you don't normally buy . . . and in large quantities.

Number Three:
Days off from work.

Number Two:
Candles.

And the Number One reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas:
At some point you're probably going to have a tree in your house!

WIFE:
What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND:
Definitely not!

WIFE:
Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND:
Of course I do.

WIFE:
Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND:
Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE:
You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND:
(Makes audible groan).

WIFE:
Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND:
Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE:
Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND:
Where else would we sleep?

WIFE:
Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND:
Probably, it is almost new.

WIFE:
Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND:
That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE:
Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND:
No, she's left-handed.

WIFE:
- silence - -

HUSBAND:
oops....

“Gentlemen, I have had men watching you for a long time, and I am convinced that you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of the country. When you won, you divided the profits amongst you, and when you lost, you charged it to the bank. You tell me that if I take the deposits from the bank and annul its charter, I shall ruin ten thousand families. That may be true, gentlemen, but that is your sin! Should I let you go on, you will ruin fifty thousand families, and that would be my sin! You are a den of vipers and thieves. I intend to rout you out, and by the eternal God, I will rout you out.”

Andrew Jackson to a delegation of bankers - 1832

Here is a soldier stationed in Iraq, stationed in a big sand box. He asked his wife to send him dirt ( U.S soil), fertilizer, and some grass seed so that he can have the sweet aroma, and feel the grass grow beneath his feet When the men of the squadron have a mission that they are going on, they take turns walking through the grass and the American soil -- to bring them good luck.
He is even cutting the grass with a pair of a scissors. Sometimes we are in such a hurry that we don't stop and think about the little things that we take for granted.
Mowing the grass never felt so good, huh?

It belongs to one of the top 10 richest men in the world - Kush Al Fayed.

A teacher in Lafayette , Tennessee asked her 6th grade
class how many of them were Obama fans.

Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting
to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their
hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to
be different...again.

Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.'

The teacher asked, 'Why aren 't you an Obama fan?'

Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.'

The teacher asked him why he's a Republican.

Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican
and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.'

Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked,

'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot,
what would that make you?'

With a big smile, Little Johnny replied,
'That would make me an Obama fan.'

Very funny...
1.Men are like Laxatives. They irritate the crap out of you
2.Men are like Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3.Men are like Weather. Nothing can be done to change them.
4.Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5.Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6.Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
7.Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8.Men are like Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9.Men are like Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10.Men are like Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11.Men are like Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12.Men are like Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13.Men are like Parking Spots all the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

To start off, I would just like to say it's an honor to be a part of such a great university such as mine. I am also honored to have such great fellow students not only academically but athletically as well.

Now if you're not into sports well then give this a read. It's an article on a woman who used to be obese before surgery; she dropped 135 pounds after the procedure and now views her life before the surgery as secret. Very interesting read.

You also need to check out Sherrie's blog an amazing story of a deaf woman.
And I think that's all folks.

MINOCQUA, Wis. - Dozens of drivers made a mad rush for cheap gas after a station employee accidentally changed the price to 33 cents a gallon.

An employee closing Trig's Minocqua Shell for the night mistakenly entered the price of a gallon of gasoline as 32.9 cents instead of $3.299 on Monday night.

He left about 10 p.m., but drivers could still use their credit cards to buy gas (continue reading.)

I would hate to be that guy!